


Ocean of Words

by haikyall



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Carnival, F/M, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, Soulmates, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:15:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25132231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haikyall/pseuds/haikyall
Summary: Life gives you time to say what you want to say, but what happens when the time runs out?
Relationships: Komori Motoya/Reader, Sakusa Kiyoomi/Reader
Comments: 9
Kudos: 44





	Ocean of Words

You wait in front of an entrance of a newly opened Carnival that stood on the dock by the bay. It was an arch that was lined with bright lights. Some of the lights had the word “CARNIVAL” to give a hint on what on earth was going on once you go inside. 

You check the time on your phone from one of the pockets of your denim pants. It was already 5:47 pm, he should be the same place as you are in thirteen minutes. You decide to maybe take a look around and see what to bribe your friend of the day with.  
  
You see various booths that offer food and drinks, the familiar smell of hotdogs being cooked fills your senses. It was also common to come across vendors that sold helium-filled balloons to children. This was the time that you noticed that the ticket booths for the rides were jammed by a line of people, eager to try out the rides while the whole carnival is still open.

It was starting to get dim but the brightness you encounter every time you came across a booth compensated the darkness immensely. Not only that, but the carnival had a concept of nature and so there were lights made out of shapes of certain living things like tigers, lions, deers, a few trees, etc.

You come across a small booth. It was a booth that had plush toys hanging on the facade and the insides of the store. It was a game of bottle toss. A game in which you have to throw a ball to knock over a bottle tower of three’s. The vendor looks at you with glee as he attempts to make you spend your glamour over a silly game of toss.

“Why don’t you try a game? It won’t cost you so much, and you can get the big ones up here,” The vendor tries to negotiate while pointing at the biggest stuff toys he has in his stall. It seemed pretty convincing. Toy stores often sell the plushies for at least triple if not quadruple times the price he’s selling it at.

At the same time, it was kind of a gamble, if you won, you got any plushie really, but if you lose you waste a little of your savings. You sigh in exasperation, why was this a good idea to start with, between you and your best friend, one of you is gonna end up broke, and at this rate, it’s more likely to be you. You then feel a pair of eyes stare at you from behind. You had to admit, it made you a bit uncomfortable, but the feeling was kind of familiar. It was like you knew who was staring at you.

“You know, if you wanted to disinfect the stall, you could do it,” You shout, loud enough for your familiar observer to hear. You hear them grumble a bit and suddenly you hear footsteps going closer to the spot you were standing on.

“If I were you, I wouldn’t do it, it’s rigged and there are germs everywhere,” A voice calls out behind you. You turn around to the source of that voice and it turns out to be your best friend in his navy blue sweatshirt and black jeans while wearing a black backpack and a surgical mask over his mouth. He has a scowl on his face as he looks on the stall of your interest with utter disgust.

“Seriously Y/N-san, what the fuck are you thinking? All of this grossness just for a little toy. Maybe the toy is also infected— gerghh—“ You smile as your best friend looks away from the stall with an overwhelming feeling of repugnance.

“Kiyoomi-chan~ I don’t think it’s rigged~” You hum as you tease the boy, you take a look at your phone once again, it's exactly 6:00 pm. Before you place your phone back into the place it belonged to, you notice the line art of a rosebud that was yet to bloom in black ink and a word inscribed on your wrist in white. 

**_“You.”_ **

The white writing inscribed on your wrist always got you thinking, what did it mean? Why is it only one word? What exactly was its purpose? Why can’t you erase it? Was it a product of a drunken mistake? No, Sakusa would’ve stopped you. Why out of all places, it had to be at the wrist. You’re not that stupid right? The place was so obvious to other people. 

Sakusa sees your fascination over the word on your wrist, he sighs as he brings out a Lysol spray to disinfect you with. He then sprays a hefty ton of the product all over your body. You snap away from your train of thought. You try to swat away the excessive amount of the product and it’s the stench from your face. 

“Pfft—pfft— Omi-chan~ this huge amount isn’t necessar—“

“Yes it is, knowing you, you will hold on to me every damn chance you get. I am not getting sick because of some sick carnival date you thought of,” Sakusa cuts you off, still spraying the product around your body. Once this precaution was done, the middle blocker then places his stuff back inside of his bag and reluctantly offers his arm to you, which you happily take into your arms and proceed to look at the stall that was calling out your name before he showed up. 

“You do know you’re wasting your savings, right?” Sakusa mentions as you give your blessing of money to the vendor which now has a greedy smile.

“Meh, you gotta use the savings every once in a while, what's the point of saving if you don’t use it?” You shrug. The vendor then gives you three red balls for you to throw. Sakusa then moves away from your touch for you to throw the ball properly, and more on to avoid you blaming him for your soon-to-be loss. He then slings his bag in front of his body to bring out the disinfectant spray to disinfect the part of his arm you had come in contact with.

You grab one of the balls and give it a limp toss, a toss that barely reached the table where the bottles were standing. Sakusa held down a chuckle as he saw your face of embarrassment. It was also evident on your face that you had a mid-life crisis going on inside of your brain as you mentally scolded yourself for embarrassing yourself not in front of Sakusa but front of the vendor. 

“Please do not tell me that was your best shot,” Sakusa teases as he chuckles and hangs his head down for you not to see the laughing germaphobe. Well, it kinda backfired since you are smaller than him, you huff out the air out of your mouth.

“HEY! AT LEAST IT REACHED THE TABLE!! I’M NOT A VOLLEYBALL STAR LIKE YOU ASSHOLE,” You retort back, making Sakusa smirk but you couldn’t see since he was wearing a mask.

“Bitch.” He mutters. These kinds of nicknames were quite common between the two of you since you two were close enough to see the bare soul of the other. Close enough to the point the two of you looked like a couple from afar.

You pick up the second ball. You then throw your hand back while your eyes aimed at the center of the bottle pyramid. Unlike the first one, you threw the ball with all your might. Unfortunately, it was a given fact that you do not play any sport whatsoever and lack hand-eye coordination. The ball hits the walls without having any contact with any of the bottles except for a little brush on the side of the lower right bottle. 

At this point, Sakusa cannot handle the second-hand embarrassment he just experienced. He closes his eyes with frustration and looks at you as you mentally scold yourself yet again. You then look at the masked boy and he starts to shake his head.

“All, the tosses I make you do, and you still suck at throwing,”

“Well, I'm sORRY I SUCK AT THROWING,” You reason back as you get the last ball. You feel like you should give up, then an idea hits your train of thought. 

“Why don’t you give it a shot?” You look at Sakusa, whose gaze was fixated on the bottles, awaiting your evident failure. 

“No. I think the fuck not, nasty bitch,” Sakusa says, without even looking at you. 

“Omi-chan~~”

“Germs, Y/N-Chan, g e r m s . You may never know where the fuck those balls have been— what…? Why are you looking at me like that?” Sakusa says as he looks at you, on the other hand, was looking at him with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. You were basically trying really really hard to not burst in laughter. 

“that sOUNDED WRONG IN SO MANY WA— OW— WHAT THE F U C K OMI?” You explain, but you were cut off by Sakusa hitting your nape. 

“Bitch, you didn’t tell me that I should’ve brought holy water to disinfect your horny ass with” Sakusa mumbles loud enough for you to hear as he disinfects his hand for having human contact with you. Your hand goes to the back of your neck to ease the pain Sakusa inflicted on.

“Fine, suit yourself” You then grabbed the last ball, you tried to focus once again by putting the ball in front of your face, and directly aimed it at the center of the bottle tower. You close one of your eyes to get a better focus. Your arm then goes to the back of your head, Sakusa silently cringes at your form as you throw the ball once again.

May we just remind ourselves that you suck at throwing things, and maybe this game might prove just that. You again miss but this time, by a long shot. And with that, Sakusa’s sanity has now evaporated and has exploded with laughter. Well, it's more on a silent chuckle but to you, it's already him laughing his ass out.

“How the actual fuck did you manage to miss it three times Y/N-san. T h r e e times,” Sakusa teases you, stating the obvious as you have another mid-life crisis on the same topic. 

“I fuCKING KNOW OKAY? LET'S JUST GO TO ANOTHER STALL— fuckinghellnksdskk” You ramble back as Sakusa tries to regain the composure he just lost and he walks ahead of you. As he does exactly that, you notice that his bag is starting to move, in an unnatural way. It moves from side to side but with neon green and pink lines going through and outlining the bag. You had to stare at the bag with all of your concentration.

_It’s definitely moving._

_Huh?_

You close your eyes and once again open them to see that the bag is back to normal. It wasn’t moving like how it was a few seconds ago. Your shoulders then shrug.

Maybe I need more sleep. I’m starting to see things. But I swore there was a—

“Hey dumbass, isn’t that the same stuff toy you lost at the airport back when we were kids and you could not shut up about it?” Sakusa points with his head at a stall. It was a small stall like the game a while ago, but the only difference was, this was a stall that didn’t have any games. It was a plush toy store. Stuff animals ranging from giraffes to crocodiles and deers to snakes. It was like a mini zoo for children. 

One stuffed animal did catch your eye. It was a small elephant on a white shelf. The same eyes, same look, same size, probably the same brand even. It looked like the same elephant you lost.

_Wait, what?_

You look at Sakusa and he just stares at the elephant plushie like it was going to burn under his gaze. You then processed in your brain, that Sakusa just exposed your whole damn childhood in front of the lady who was manning the stall. 

“God, I will never forget the amount of time I spent just drying your tears from my shirt, and the amount of disinfectant I used,”

“I WAS FOUR THEN OKAY? GEEZ, DOnt need to scream it out loud for the world to know…”

“I didn’t, I just said it out lou—“

“OMI-CHAN,”

The lady in the stall simply giggles at your bickering, “You two remind me of when I was young when life was a little easier for me,” 

The heads of the two bickering friends suddenly swung to the vendor’s face, then back to each other. They both started laughing their guts out. Well, more on you laughing your guts out and Sakusa getting flustered “HAHAHAAHAH— MA’AM YOU GOT THE WRONG IDEA, WE’RE NOT WHAT YOU THINK HAHAHAHAHA” It was quite common for you to be mistaken as a couple since you two did appear close. 

Sakusa and you should be used to it, but every single time someone brings this up, it always pisses Sakusa off. His reason was that he hates nosy people that stick their nose up on businesses they were not a part of. 

“We would like to get that small elephant plushie,” Sakusa says through the mask and points to the plushie with his head, hands tucked inside the pockets of his navy blue sweatshirt, avoiding contact with humans. The vendor simply shrugs and puts the elephant down from display and places it in a plastic bag. You turn to him in shock.

_He’s buying the stuffed toy you lost._

“Don’t lose this one, I am not gonna be here for your tears, you crybaby,” He then whips out his wallet from his sweatshirt and pays for the toy. He looks at you, eyes urging you to grab the plastic bag. He then grabs a disinfectant spray to disinfect his whole body, once again.

“Germs spread fast, sure, but not fast to the point you have to spray your whole body,” You say as you fan the air once again to stop the waft of the smell of the disinfectant he’s using. It smelled nice at first, but when you’re with Sakusa, he makes sure you dread the smell soon enough since he uses it so much.

The vendor gives you the plastic bag, “You know, friends don’t look at friends the way he looks at you,”

You take the bag and look at Sakusa who was looking towards the sea. If it weren’t for the mask, you would have seen the light tint of blush on Sakusa’s face. You then see it again, his head suddenly gets outlined by the same neon green and pink lines from earlier, and the image of his head gets distorted with different colors. 

_Those are glitches, right?_

_Yea, I’m definitely seeing glitches._

You rub your eyes with your spare hands, and you see Sakusa’s head is back to normal, but then your concern of the moment doesn’t fade away when you see Sakusa has a scowl on your face. “Did you just rub your eyes?”

_Oh no, he hates that. It meant your eyes are infected with germs._

You shake your head and smile. The middle blocker then tilts his head and starts to walk away from the store. “Do I need to remind you of that one time you had an eye infection because of scratching your eye too much?”

“Must you always expose me like this?” You sigh as you catch up to him walking to a food stall, trying to not remember how worried your parents were because of your right, swollen, red, and itchy eye. He then looks at the menu, seeing its options. Looking at the menu, this might be the only time Sakusa might just eat something. It was dinner time anyway. He didn’t even need to look at you to know what you wanted.

“Two burgers please,” He says as he brings out his wallet again to pay for the meals. You reach for your bag to grab your wallet but Sakusa knew better.

“And no, I’m not taking your germ-filled money,”

“You sanitized thE MONEY?!?!”

“I sanitize everything, germ-filled asshole, you should know that by now,”

The cook— at the same time the cashier,—gives us our order and we head to one of the benches laid out in the dock. Sakusa has been grumbling this whole time, maybe because the cook didn’t pick up the clue that he served to a germaphobe and gave the burgers while he wasn’t wearing any gloves.

Sakusa gives you his burger and whips out a bunch of sanitary stuff. Towels, masks, more disinfectant spray, and wipes. He then starts his ritual of disinfecting the entire bench. This was one of the reasons why the middle blocker didn’t want to go out. He has to sanitize everything in his path. He didn’t care if people were staring at him like he was a maniac. He just needs this certain place cLEAN.

You know the place was fully sanitized when Sakusa decided to sit down, motioning you to sit down as well. He lets out his hand, saying he wants to have his burger by now. You give the meal and he unwraps the parchment paper that enclosed the meal.

“How are things with you and Komori-san?” You start, he takes a bite out his burger and simply shrugs. He and his cousin have been talking a lot recently, mainly because the libero was interested in the middle blocker’s best friend. 

“Sorry, can’t expose shit like that,”

“Oh, so you expose me relentlessly today and I don’t get a single drop of tea from your cousin? Great,”

“Well, he isn’t as annoying as you,”

“Why are you here then?”

“Because you promise me two boxes filled with Lysol disinfectant spray to deal with your dumbassness,”

“I don’t think that a wor—“

“I don’t think you’re supposed to talk with your mouth full, Y/N-chan,”

You finish your bickering soon enough to finish eating your burgers in peace. Kiyoomi and you had a friendship that was either bickering or just comfortable silence. A silence that was welcoming, like you knew what each other felt without actually talking to each other or opening your mouths. 

Your white tattoo engraved on your wrist once again catches your eye. You still wonder why you even had it in the first place. When you wanted it to be removed, your parents opposed it. 

_Shouldn’t they be angry at me for getting this tattoo without their permission?_

Your mother reasoned that it looked pretty. It was indeed, the black and white ink complimented each other well, not too much black for the white to be out of the picture and not too much white to the point you can’t read what was happening to your wrist. Maybe it was pretty. You still didn’t know what it meant though.

Seeing that you haven’t finished your food, Sakusa sighs loudly to catch your attention and it works. You didn’t even realize you were staring at your wrist rather than eating and you look at him, he simply points at your unfinished sandwich.

“Don’t eat your wrist, eat your burger,” You then ram what’s left of your burger till all that was left was the parchment wrapper it came with. 

“How are you with Komori?” Sakusa returns your question and you look at him with concern. He’s never taken interest with your slowly budding romance with the other person in topic. This was basically the first time he’s asked about it. He’s always tease you for having a giddy smile and mood when Komori messages but he’s never _asked_ you.

“Do you like him?” He noticed your hesitation in answering and he clarifies the question. 

“Yeah, I think he’s cute. He’s an actual gentleman,” You gush, looking at the sky. Sakusa nods at your gushing, and shrugs.

_If only you saw his sad eyes._

“Just wanting to see if he can handle a dumbass like you, and I gotta say, I’m impressed,” He quickly explains. You roll your eyes at his explanation. 

_This asshole._

Sakusa then gives you his wrapper and you stand up from your previous sitting position, to throw the leftover wrappers away. You then come back to see Sakusa, fully armed with his hygiene tools once again. You swore he could be a walking washing machine but for humans. 

“You can just disinfect my hand—“

“You reek of trash,”

“That’s cause I am trash,”

“Pathetic ass,”

After another session of deep cleaning and sanitization, you then head to the first ride that you see, it was a swan boat ride. You wanted a ride that was enjoyable, at the same time, not so much of a germ hazard on Sakusa’s point of view. It was merely a boat ride that depends on your metabolism and endurance of the legs. Since the ride won't move without you peddling.

As you head towards the ticketing booth for a certain ride, you notice Sakusa’s whole body, once again starts to glitch. The neon green and pink lines outlining his image, distorting your vision. He glitches for at least 10 seconds long, it doesn’t disappear from blinking like the other few times it has happened.

You try to reach out to Sakusa, he then looks at you. His image is now back to normal, pink, and green lines disappearing. He sees you trying to reach out to him and he simply looks at you with his signature scowl.

“If you got something to say, just say it, you don’t have to touch me”

_How the hell am I supposed to ask you on how on earth you’re glitching the fuck out?_

“A-are you okay?” Were the only words that came out of your mouth. You were slightly quivering, you didn’t exactly know what you were seeing, maybe because you’ve been using your phone too much. 

Sakusa gets shocked at your query, he looks at you with big eyes. His cheeks are flustered with heat. He doesn’t know what you’re talking about. It was normal for you to be concerned since he’s always so quiet, but you only ask if he showed any signs of distress. If you took in his actions, he is actually enjoying the day. 

_Was it something he did?_

_Was it something he said?_

“W-what are you talking about? I’m doing just fine…?” He trails off, he has no idea how to answer your question since it was out of the ordinary. 

“Nothing, sorry,” You say, blocking the thought once again. 

_Maybe you really are seeing things._

Sakusa shrugs off your sudden burnout and looks at the ticketing booth and the line. You order your tickets and pay for its price. You then head to the ride itself. The chaperone smiles at you as you hand the two tickets in your hands. Kiyoomi then takes off his face mask and lets it hang on one of his ears.

All of a sudden, everything is suddenly outlined with neon pink and green lines, along with some red and blue lines as well, the image is suddenly distorted. Everything except you was shaking. You take a look around. Everything you touch and the hard plywood floor that you stand on was glitching out. It slowly started to overwhelm you and your body. Sakusa then smiles. It was already rare to see him chuckle let alone smile… like he meant it,

“So this is what you’re talking about? You’re really something, Y/N-san,”

_What?_

“I don’t have enough time anymore,” He starts, voice unnatural, almost robotic. His glitched, dispersed out hands hold your firm and solid ones. They struggle to move on his will, they just keep on glitching. You can see the blush on his cheeks. He raises one of his hands to tuck out a particular strand standing out of your face.

**“You—,”**

All you last felt and remembered was a sting on your wrist where your tattoo was and a distant sound of an explosion before being brought back to reality. 

“Baby? Y/N-san? Please say something…” Komori trails off. He has been trying to gain your attention for the past five minutes. You looked at him and you felt like saying something but nothing came out of your mouth, it felt like you couldn’t say anything. All you can physically and mentally do is just smile, so you do just that. The smell of the sea hits your nose once again as the waves crash to the seashore. The night colors the sky with stars that are like fairy lights. 

_It’s been a while._

“God… will you do something else except smile? Gasp? Sigh? Just anything, please say something, sweetie please,” Komori tries to negotiate as he intertwines your hand with his. 

You try to find your voice but you just can’t seem to get it out of your throat. It was like something was holding your voice down. You look at the sea, you then see how the sand dries up slightly as the waves retreat to its former glory. Your hand unconsciously raises and points it’s index finger to the water.

“….Sa…ku…..sa……” Was the only thing coming out of your mouth as you made line drawings and scribbles on the sand you sit on. You didn’t know why it was coming out of your mouth. Komori smiles and chuckles.

“You still remember him?” 

“…….thwan…” You mumble to yourself. You didn’t even notice what you just said till Komori hears what you’re trying to say and gives you a bewildered look.  
  
“Baby, say more words… what’s a thwan?” Your brain suddenly gets cheerful when he mentions the word and you point at the sea.  
  
“THWAN!! he… he” You cutely yell out, in a high tone like a five-year-old. Komori still doesn’t understand what you’re trying to say, he repeats your phrase in his head.

_Thwan._

_Thwan._

_Thwan._

_Swan._

_… It’s swan… she’s been trying to say swan._

Komori just facepalms. “Gah, what was I thinking that you’d say something else… I wish your Aphasia didn’t exist, maybe then we’d talk about him,” He then proceeds to kiss your forehead.

You look at him, words aren’t spilling out. You feel like you really should say something. But something was blocking your voice. It already was hard to let out a single syllable word, let alone a three-syllable one. You just smile at your frustrated boyfriend.

The sea seemed to be calling out to you, the crisp sound of waves crashing itself to the land was quite nice, the water glistening as it reflected the lights in the night sky. It seemed… alluring for some reason. You stand and walk towards the water. You stop on your tracks when you feel that the water has now surrounded your feet. The breeze the sea brings in seemed to be stronger than when you were sitting on the sand. The cold water at your feet was refreshing, it felt all so new yet so familiar. It was satisfying. It felt like you should stay there longer. It felt like you belonged to the sea.

_Maybe it’s because he’s there._

The thoughts of Komori go onto a rampage of thoughts, seeing you mesmerize at the sea, it was like you were mesmerizing at him. No, not Komori, it was Kiyoomi.

_You’re still beautiful even when you look at another person like that. Someone that isn’t me._

You look at your arm by reflex as you feel a sting on your wrist, where the mysterious tattoo was, it is no longer a rosebud, the rose has bloomed, and it is no longer a single word.

**_“You were always loved… by me,”_ **

You turn around and see Komori standing on the damp sand, he’s at the seashore but the water isn’t touching his feet. You then giggle, well, it’s more on isolated giggles. Taking the hand meant you were gonna get dragged away from your comfort place, but that was fine, you might never have left if it wasn’t for your boyfriend. The libero then offers you a hand to go out of the water, which you gladly take. He pulls your body away but he turns around to see your head is still facing the sea. His thoughts start to board a train.

_I wonder what you’re thinking, only Omi-chan can actually do that. Only Omi-chan can make you do that. Ever since he died, all you do is keep your thoughts to yourself… well, it’s not like you’ll be able to say so._

_It’s a shame he died trying to protect you in that swan ride._

**Author's Note:**

> A subtle nod to the Soulmate AU, indeed. And that my dear children, is how haikyall gives her take on the AU.


End file.
